Bye Bye, Me
This is a strange and sad post to write and I'm not sure where to start. So, I guess I'll start here. At the beginning.
I am hanging up my (live) guitar.
Ok, see ya!
I can no longer do my own personal shows. Last night I did my final performance without realising it, which is really weird. However, the feeling I had performing was one of annoyance, stress and anxiety.
Let me try to get you to understand. Think of the one thing you absolutely LOVE and imagine you want to share that with everyone. It could be as small a thing as loving to watch Eastenders, just something you truly LOOOOOVVVEEE!
In fact, let's stick with that analogy - You LOVE Eastenders.
OK, so you are sat there telling a group of people how FUCKING AMAZING Eastenders is. They HAVE to watch it. You want them to feel that passion that you feel. The problem is, literally no one at that table is listening to you. In fact, they are all talking about anything BUT Eastenders and they are talking so loud that you can no longer even hear yourself.
So, you keep Eastenders to yourself, feeling unheard and unappreciated.
And there you have it. A weird way of explaining that I feel the live scene, (perhaps mainly London-centric) is now in the same boat as the way in which music is consumed - For free and with absolute abandon and nonchalance. And last night, I came to the realisation that I can't deal with the rudeness anymore.
Bye bye, Me.
The work, effort and time that gets put into a personal show (one put on and sorted out by myself) is a FUCKING LOT! And to have those efforts pissed on is beyond sad. I cannot begin to explain the sadness I have felt this morning and continue to do so in writing this. I can only attribute it to the loss of someone/something very close and dear to you.
Bit much? Fuck it.
As a punter and someone that regularly goes to watch live music, I am ASTOUNDED by the sheer lack of respect and kindness shown to those on stage. It is abhorrent. Without putting too fine a point on it, if you're not there to listen to music, then FUCK OFF. Go to a Wetherspoons and talk about fucking biscuits or whatever pressing matter you have. Whatever degree of talent that person has on stage, they are up there baring themselves to you. You don't like it, cool, no one is asking you to love everything, but to show them absolute contempt and talk over something that (I know) has taken time, love, care and effort to create is fucking obnoxious.
Hmm, you can probably sense (if you've read thus far) that I am getting a little emotional about this. So let me take it down a notch. I'm just so sad to finally decide this.
Essentially, I can no longer be arsed to put on my own shows. I am not OFF the live scene 100%. I am actually very fortunate and very grateful to get booked by a lot of people that truly want me to perform at their events, and so those gigs (where I know I am wanted and will be heard) will continue on. But everything else is now dead to me and I say that with an incredible heavy heart.
Obviously, I have bookings and fixtures in for the rest of the year, which I will honour and stick to but I will be a lot less forthcoming with the live stuff from here on in. Life is far too short.
Enjoy the Eastenders omnibus.
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