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  • Mark Mathews

Ways to survive this General Election Campaign

If you're like me, you were brought up in a pretty politically informed, household. From a very young age, I was always aware of what was going on politically - I knew who the 'baddies' were and which lot were the 'goodies'.

I saw on many occasions how soul-destroying and painful an election could be if those supposed good guys didn't get into power. My Dad particularly, really took it to heart...still does actually.


I saw and felt the joy of a nation when Big Tone got the keys to number 10 and it seemed "things could only get better'...and in a lot of ways they actually did - minimum wage, food standards agency, better exam results and more University applications and tons more...


...but there was Iraq and of course...the end of Britpop.

Anyway, this upbringing afforded myself and my brothers the curse (and possibly a hidden blessing, but I'm unsure about that) of always watching the political landscape and keeping informed and up to date about it all. I'm not a football fan, but I assume it is in a very similar vein to that kind of schtick...


...only one is about a bunch of blokes playing a stupid game.


...and the other is football.


(I'm booking for stand up gigs now, ladies and Gentleman!)


In more recent years I have tried to dampen the political fire within myself to keep me sane, by avoiding a lot of the ways in which I would get regular information delivered to my brain-machine. I deleted news apps off my phone, I stopped reading any newspapers (that includes the Metro - I'd sooner sit on the tube and stare into space) and I never watch the news on TV.


I mean, I don't own a TV, so that sorts that out!

I find, for me personally, this avoidance technique has kept me a little bit more even and it has curtailed some of the stress and anger that gets brought about by the lying charlatans that call themselves politicians.


However, now we've reached election time, I have slipped back into being across everything that's going on...and it's making me angry and worried and also a little stressed out. I'm thinking about it a lot, not least because I see some of the comments and tweets from people that are so ill-informed it makes me panic that the Tories will get in again...


...Jesus, I'm getting stressed just writing this now.

So, aside from hiding in a cave until it's all over, I decided to think up some other, alternative, Ways to survive this General Election Campaign and perhaps clear ourselves of any worry and exasperation.


Disclaimer: Some of these coping mechanisms are perhaps not classed as 'healthy' nor 'legal' and Mark Mathews Music does not condone, nor encourage the use of any of the bollocks he has decided to take the time to write.


Take Drugs

So, a good place to start - Get out of your box on some class A drugs baby!

Perhaps avoid Cocaine, because all that will do is make you more aggressive and angry, and we're trying to avoid that, but why not chow down on some lovely MDMA or a couple of magic beans and realise that the way to put the world right is through love, connection and dancing to some industrial techno till the sun comes up?!


Or maybe you want to opt for some magic mushrooms or some acid to get you into different realms of consciousness and allow you to realise that this reality doesn't REALLY exist.


It's an option, that's all I'm saying.


Booze

The sister company to the drugs option, booze is your easy to find and legal option of getting out of your mind and forgetting about what is going on. Offering you a numbing, protective cloak to the bull-shite of an election campaign, if you drink enough you will impair both your vision and hearing so much so as nothing anyone tweets, says on TV or writes in a newspaper will ever penetrate through to you.


Not only that, if you do drink to oblivion, the following day will be so horrendous with the amount of poison you have put into your body, that your one and only goal for that day will be to simply survive the hangover, effectively doubling your money on avoidance. Winner!

Meditate

Going deep inside one's self (steady!) is a great way to connect with your inner space and forget about the outside world. When you're traveling through an infinite world, training your attention and awareness to achieve a mentally clear and emotionally calm and stable state, there is no time to worry and fuss about the small-mindedness of politics.


You'll just have to make sure that you meditate for twenty-four hours a day though. Sorry.

Listen to Music constantly

You could consistently keep headphones in at ALL times and listen to music and watch music videos. It's not far off what I do with my time anyway, but if there was a conscious effort to ONLY do that, you'd block out all the dick heads and chatter about the election and be feeling good because of course, music is king!


Hey, you could listen to my tunes HERE.


And watch my videos HERE.


Just saying.


Watch Pornhub/Have Sex

Depending on your relationship status you could just re-train your brain by getting carnal with your partner(s) or yourself, whenever a thought or a desire to know about the election occurs.


It's a healthy exercise, everyone does it and it's bloody good fun and that is sure to take your mind off of the world of politics...


...unless of course, you have a politics kink and then...well, you've got other issues, huh?!


Just make sure to use lube, as the friction could get the better of you after a while. You're welcome.

Live in a Cave

OK, OK, I know I said I would offer alternatives to living in a cave...but by christ, there really aren't many options and to be honest this is probably the best one!


Think about it. No one can speak to you about the election, no media can document anything about the election to you and you get to live in a cave and grow a big old fat beard...


...I include girls/they's/them's and all the rest in the beard-growing scenario. I'm a modern guy. You wanna grow a beard, you go for it! I believe in you!

You could, of course, combine all of these and live in a cave, whilst doing drugs and drinking, having sex/wanking between relaxing moments of meditation, but I'll leave the decisions up to you. Pick n Mix! Have fun with it guys. Have fun!


But do make sure you vote, eh?!


Ta Rah!


Hey, do you know one of the best things you could do for me and my music is to follow me on Spotify?! Click HERE and give me a lovely follow and if you fancy adding some of my tracks to a playlist of yours, even better! xxxx




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